Dad!

Just missing him! Every day I miss my parents, both of them - of course at 42 you never think you'll be this young and not have either. There are times we need our moms and then there are those times when daddy's little girl needs her daddy! I have one of those every day.

"Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad" ~ Unknown

The one thing I've realized more than anything else since he's been gone is how much he taught us. When we're young, we think "okay, whatever...can I go now" when we get that all-important lecture about something - even when we're older and have been down "those" roads a few times. It doesn't matter. But, there were so many times dad would sit on his "soap box" and I would just in awe of what he would talk about, how smart he was to me - how his voice was just amazingly soothing and I could never get enough of it. How many people sit on the phone with their father for 2 hours at a time talking about everything and anything. Not many that I know. They have had or do have a special relationship, but he was my true best friend in that sense. Growing up we were the brothers and sisters who had the potty mouth, who talked about everything with our father right down to the dirty words. My father didn't shelter us and you know, I'm so thankful for that today. I recently encountered someone who got upset because I spoke about flatulence. Okay, so we can all agree (those who know me) that I can take that to the extreme - and I blame it on my brothers...every single time. Recently my brother Ed and I (at the ripe ages of 'in our 40's') text our older brother to let him know when we were in the bathroom [insert nicer words here]. I can hear dad laughing with us. We were his "characters" in a comedic sitcom and he loved it. Of course, it wasn't always that way, but it was a pretty awesome childhood when I look back at our un-sheltered we were and I'm so honestly grateful for that. I have thicker skin because of it today.

"His heritage to his children wasn't words or possessions, but an unspoken treasure, the treasure of his example as a man and a father"~ Will Rogers Jr.

Our dad was the best. I wish he was here today, I wish Mike could've met him - they would've talked for hours. Dad just loved talking and I miss that about him. I miss it all, but I miss our talks. Every time I talk to my sister about him, that's the first thing we say. He could sense it in your voice, like most dad's and parents (I hope) if something was wrong and the conversation always started with "what's wrong dearheart, talk to me" - that was all it took.

"It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was" ~ Anne Sexton

My siblings and I could go on for hours about the humor of that man and what he instilled in us because of it. I know he's watching us, I have no doubt - and I know he's happy that we're carrying on that part of his legacy, not just the seriousness of life and everything it comes with. We had a lot of obstacles, but we also had a lot of laughter. We didn't have a lot financially, but it didn't matter - we had a blast and I miss that, so much.

Thinking back now, although I was 20 years old when I married, that was in so many ways meant to happen - regardless of how fast it was over (um, 4 months) - but we were young. I was too young - and I haven't remarried since. However, the fact that I was able to have him walk me down the aisle (albeit it about to pass out from his weight), and dance with him to Daddy's Little Girl. That memory will outlast everything else - and it was pretty amazing. The rest, is just a blur - except for my father and then my mother catching my bouquet. God has His ways and he sure is funny sometimes!

It's not the fishing - it's the time together!!!

I love you dad - I miss you so very much. If you're watching, you little Angel and Tatum is smiling for you - living life as we should, making you proud (we hope) one day at a time. Save me a warm spot on the seat next to you - then again, I think I'll sit on your lap...for old times sake!

All my love,
Tatum

I voted for him, and now I repent!

I voted for him on the basis (mostly, and I said it to everyone) of healthcare (because when put up against McCain's line by line, though they were both bad, his was the best), and because I truly wanted different candidates to vote for. But now, I'm severely regretting my decision. Not only for this: http://keithhennessey.com/2009/06/09/house-health-bill/ - but because I do NOT want to live in a socialist country; I do NOT want to have the Government who can't control our spending tell me how to live my life, or how to take care of what I do with my hard-earned money at the age of 42 who has busted my ass for everything I have; because I do not want someone telling me I do not have the right to bear arms, especially in this day and age; I do not want someone who kisses up to the Muslims and basically lets them believe that "we" as a country have something to apologize for when everyone who was there and alive during 9/11 will beg to differ; and I am still flabbergasted that the stimulus bill was passed in the FIRST place (after the fear of GOD was put in everyone) without anyone reading the darn thing. Scary I tell you, scary. I'm scared.

My sister seems to think (or at least told me this about a month ago) that I'm listening to the "right-wing" conservatives like Hannity and Rush. Um...not hardly. I honestly can't stand those guys. I watch everything and while I have been listening to Glenn Beck and locally, Michael Berry who knows more than the average person I know, I pay attention to what makes sense without them having to bash anyone to get their point across. They are not "haters" - they care for our country and I do too. I'm scared. My sister should be worried that her children are going to be paying for these decisions down the road, and inflation - read up on it - it's going to be worse that it's probably ever been in this country in the next couple of years. I'm considered middle America - how is that so. I think so many people just wanted Bush out thinking "he" created the problems when what they don't realize is, it started well before he took office.

The scariest thing last week was listening to Obama talk in his speech in Cairo. Amazingly enough, he didn't want one word spoken about his Muslim background during the campaign - but now, he's proud of it. How does that work. How can everyone be that naive? How? That's all I want to know is how.

God help us all. I want a new President. Thank God I live in Texas.

Believe it when I see it!

Isn't that what people say... "I'll believe it when I see it." I used to hear people say that all the time. Who are those people anyway!?

I believe in miracles - and I'm sure a few of us, if not all of us, can use a few right now. Sometimes, I'll sit back and watch everything happening before me whether it's someone driving on the toll road completely oblivious to what's happening around them (usually me driving), or someone in a grocery store placing an item in the cart. I'll do this and wonder, I bet their life isn't perfect either. None of us are perfect or have perfect lives, yet, we want to believe that miracles only happen if there are perfect circumstances - and that miracles are only things that transpire in the "good" not the "bad" - except that's not necessarily true. We've all heard stories of how someone will be late for something (9/11 for example) and by being that mere 10 minutes late to whatever it was, they weren't involved in the accident you heard about on the freeway. I know it's deep, but I'm a firm believer in the fact that everyone who wasn't involved, somehow, it was a miracle. Think about that for a second. It was a miracle because they are there to live another day.

We hear all the time about how "precious" life is, and trust me, it is. When you don't have parents and you're in your 40's, you realize that a lot more than probably most people do. You realize what you actually took for granted. It coincides with a bible study I did a couple of years ago that was basically about living your last 30 days the way you would if you were told you had that long to live. Of course, it wasn't morbid - but I honestly think if we were to do that, we're live more fully and miracles would show up or at least be more transparent to us because we'd pay attention just a little bit more, in a different way perhaps.

Lately, we've been under a lot of stress. Sure, I feel it - I know we all feel it. Especially, with what our country is going through right now. I'm not afraid to admit that I voted for a President on one particular issue and tried to inform myself as best as I could; and I didn't vote for another candidate based on the fact that I didn't like him - or his running mate. However, the more I listen, the more I pay attention and the more I see what's going on, I'm afraid and it honestly stresses me out because I voted for him, but I didn't vote to become a socialist country. It just doesn't work. So, I digress - and I stress, and I don't like it. Then in the interim, we're all hoping for a miracle - because it's scary. Honest-to-goodness, scary!

Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see. I guess we could interpret that in many ways, and what I believe, is that the obstacles throw in our path are the 'small letters' of what seems enormous and insurmountable at the time only to be larger down the road for us to see and experience knowing it was all for the greater good. After all, I am also a firm believer in everything bad that happens to us is for the greater good - and if we miss the lesson, we've missed the story, we've missed the miracle. In the end, it's all coming back around - we just have to pay attention. Most of the time, we don't. That's the sad part.

I believe in miracles - but the trick and truth of it is, we have to know (with that positive mind set) that miracles do happen. Miracles are when the impossible happens...they say that miracles are the things that happen when God wants us to pay attention. I believe that - sure I do, because most of the time we're so wrapped up in our lives and what's going on that we never slow long enough to truly take it all in...until we're forced to. They may not happen when we want them to, but they do. They may not happen at all, and that too is a miracle, because there's a reason for it.

I don't know, maybe I'm a little off today, it's been a crazy couple of months and I won't say that it's bad, because I know in the end there is a purpose...a reason, and I have to trust and know that wherever it all takes me, that's where I'm supposed to be. I have faith in that - I never used to, but I know what that means now more than I ever did before.

Every single day...is a miracle. Impossible situations can become possible miracles.

Living with grace...

Every event we experience and every person we meet has intentionally been put in our path for a reason~

I don't believe in coincidences - I believe that everything happens for a reason. Sit long enough, listen still enough, and you'll figure it all out or it will play itself out to you somehow.

Live with intention
Walk to the edge
Listen Hard
Practice wellness
Play with abandon
Love the same way!
Laugh
Choose with no regret
Appreciate your friends - really
Continue to learn - daily
Do what you love
Live...as if this is all there is

Relationships...and Peace

By no means am I an expert nor am I perfect. Who is. We can all tell stories regardless of age of love won and lost, drama-ridden, things we've learned, lessons that came along with them good and bad, and we hope, that if it ended badly (because at first it was love), you took something from it and were able to move on - apply what you learned so you don't repeat the same mistakes again or, tolerate the same kind of behavior.

I made a comment today on a friend's Facebook page (I do that a lot actually when it comes to this subject) about growing old and remaining friends. I've always suggested (and sometimes even tried) that if you start out with a friendship, you learn how to respect each other during an argument on a different level - different playing field; and when you grow old and aren't as sexy when your nekked any longer, you still look at each other with that love and mutual respect because it was a foundation you built from the beginning.

Dr. Phil has a saying that constantly repeats itself to me from time-to-time, especially when I talk to friends who tell me about certain behaviors either they are showing or, are tolerating from someone else. "We teach people how to treat us." I believe that, 150%. I'll tell you why. When I think back to my relationships, I think about how I constantly "said" I wanted to be treated, but did something else to negate that very substance. My biggest downfall is the desire (and I'm sure it's rooted deep inside why I have always wanted to do this from childhood) to take care of everyone. Reality is, and what I've learned as I've grown up, that you can't. You end up losing sight of someone much more important - yourself. On an aircraft when the flight attendants do their "thing" and show you how to use the oxygen mask, what do they tell us to do? If you are traveling with small children, put the mask on yourself before putting it on your child. And you know why - because we can't help anyone until we help ourselves first. Such a cute little cliche, but as I've hit my 40's and have been through so much (as others have), I've realized this is the very crutch that people have and when it's embedded into your mechanism (especially since childhood) it is an extremely hard habit to break. I know I will continue to learn, but I've gotten better. I love taking care of others, but I won't try to save them - that's their job...or better yet, that's God's job and their job to pay attention to the signs, make the right choices, slow down and listen.

Now that I've fallen in love again (and we all say this, but is it truly "true" this time around because it's what I call healthy from the "inside-out") it is different. There's a peace that is unexplainable - when you just trust, mutually; respect each other - there is no drama, and you just love without borders or barriers, restrictions or inadequacies, issues - things that make you question every move you make and every thing you say. That's not love - it's one thing if you see a couple of red flags that someone can "work" on among themselves because we all have issues - they are ingrained in our mechanism from our upbringing and some we work on, some we take with us, but our problem is, we want to fix that issue or those red flags for them and sometimes, those flags wave so good they don't need a gust of wind to keep them going. We've heard people say you have to fix yourself before you can be there for someone else. It coincides with what I just said about helping yourself before you help others. I have been guilty of this - thinking that I can fix someone, make it better, be there for them and love them enough that their "issues" won't matter in the long run, but they always do. When someone digs deep into their core soul and realizes "wow, I have some things I need to fix about myself before I enter into a new relationship with someone," that's growth. It's a scary place because you have to open yourself up, your inner self, to judgment - by "you" - because we are our hardest critics - and we should be. But, truly grasping the lessons you learn from relationships that didn't work, whether that is friendships or love relationships, not only shows a side of you that is healthy, it shows a side of you that is honest with the one person that matters most and that is yourself.

I spent 6 years on again/off again (2-3 times) with a boyfriend who I met when I was 29. By no means did I have the mentality or understanding of "me" that I do now, much less the maturity level. I piddled through some dating here and there, and spent 3 months in an extremely narcissistic, possessive, jealous relationship during the time my father was ill and dying and through my vulnerability I was convinced it was normal. My head told me differently. Then, I spent 4 years alone and dug deep inside to get to know myself better, the person I knew I was, but needed to learn a lot more. Especially, about the choices I had made in life, relationships, friendships and for myself.

I grew up with love in my family especially from my father, but fought constantly to prove to my mother that I was good enough to be loved. I carried a lot of that with me throughout much of my young adult life. When I look back now, I cringe at the thought of the choices I made, the people I was with (in friends and love - or what I thought was love), and I can honestly look at myself in the mirror and say "to my face" that I've learned. It's a feeling that overcomes you with solid peace. You have that inner peace people always talk about. You love yourself (first) and accept yourself (completely) from your core. When you exude that feeling you are able to love someone from a different place - one without need. The need to be loved, or to be appreciated because you do that for yourself first and that void is full so the rest just falls into place. I have no regrets about the choices I've made in love because they have truly brought me to where I am now - honestly in love. There will be challenges, there will be issues to deal with, but we will deal with them as true adults - who consider and respect each other. My past is not wasted in any shape or form. It is what has molded me into who I am today - and I didn't miss the lessons.

A friend of mine recently told me in response to my question regarding her on again/off again relationship that "it is what it is" - and I responded that I would not tolerate that in my life any longer. The place you enter where you face your true self and deal with the issues of your choices is a place of vulnerability people do not like to visit. It's a tough place. But, a place we all need to go.

I'm in love. True love. Everything is on a different level completely when you're healthy to your core, when you're you're own Judge Judy. I have met my best friend, my equal - at 42. When two people want something bad enough, they bend - you compromise. When you can compromise like that there is no other alternative. You don't take breaks, you don't break "up" and you don't treat them any differently than you would as when you first met. You trust and communicate, never talk louder than a tone of respect. You share - everything and your life is an open book. You are honest and when you can be that way w/each other, you find a place of comfort where you know you'd never hurt each other or take advantage of each other's goodness. You find PEACE. I guess we can also call that growing up! It's a good place to be.

Same ol' same ol'

So I'm on the phone with my brother this morning and this was part of our conversation. People who when you ask "Hey, how are you," they come back with a "same ol', same ol". I'm very much like my brother Ed, I hate when people say that. Okay, maybe hate is a little harsh...it irks him, and I suppose it irks me just the same, if not more. Life is for living. Period. We all have good days and bad - at our age (in our 40's) we've all been through the tremendous handful of just about everything and I can promise you, there will be more. Because, that is life. When we were little and we'd tell my mother "that's not fair" - mom would say "life isn't fair." When I think about that now, she did instill some super-fabulous knowledge on us, but how negative is that when you consider what it means. Sure, life will throw you a curve ball now and then (which speaking of last night, Wandy had a mean one). It will even throw you those balls, obstacles, things, whatever you want to call them, that we absolutely sit there sometimes thinking "what next" - and then what happens. I've said this a million times before and will say it again. However, how we choose to react and deal with any given situation, while some of it is out of our control, we do have complete control over our attitude and our choices. If you don't think you do, it's time for a hard lesson in reality. By now, at this age, we should have it down pretty good.

There is a gal I used to ride the bus with. Every day, never fails, she said the same thing - Monday through Friday, didn't matter. And you would figure on Friday she'd be happy it was Friday. I feel sorry for those people - the ones that no matter what it's the "same shit different day." How sad. Seriously. I say that because I have lost both parents over the course of my adult life so far, and just recently (4 years ago) my father, who I repeatedly talk about how he was my best friend. I've also been through hardship, both financial and emotional and countless other hardships. The loss of life and family alone is enough to make you want to lay down for hours and not get up the next morning. I've had my days. We all have. Then you see an amazing story about someone who's lost a limb, or someone who has been through what we would consider (even through all we've encountered) unimaginable, but they manage to tell you when you ask how they are, "I'm doing awesome" - or "great." Those are the people I want to be around. Because at the end of the day, what is our alternative? Think about it.

I know a lady who tells me all the time that the infamous "Black Cloud" follows her. Well, so long as she continues to believe that, that sun will shine brightly all around her and she'll continue to wonder why she can't see it. Sometimes, it's just that easy.

Maybe I am annoying sometimes with my "positive thinking, positive pumping, positive attitude no matter what," but that's not to say I don't let things get to me, because I do - I am human and I'm not perfect. Far from it. But, I won't allow those things to take over my day, my life, my desire to live every day as if it really was our last. We hear stories all the time and we think those stories of someone suddenly leaving this world of a heart attack in his or her 30's doesn't happen to us. I mean, it's in the media right? But then someone close to us or someone we know is affected, and you realize, it's just that short - life - in reality, is just that short.

So, think about it today. Think about what you're going to say to someone the next time they ask how you are. Even if you're having a bad day, that energy follows you. Even if you have to muster up a "I'm doing great" because you have made a choice that the "rest" of the day will be after you get through that hiccup, then make that choice. It's yours - that's the thing no one can take away from you. What is the cliche' that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent - how true it is.

By the way - lately, I personally have been through a lot of stress - especially with Mike's business, etc., having to sell the house, and trying to deal with these decisions (some of them seeming insurmountable at best) as they are laid before us, but I refuse to let on to anyone else that I'm having a horrible day or that it is affecting me. I'll tell you why - because what if that person asking you how you are needs a lift, or needs a smile - maybe they're having a bad day, maybe something unimaginable just happened to them - and my attitude may add to what they're already feeling, good or bad. So I look at it this way - if I continue to keep that positivity flowing through my energy, how on earth can it get any worse. But even if it does, I'll get through it, we'll get through it. We all will get through it - and until then, I'm having a great day because tomorrow, if I don't wake up, I want to make sure I was smiling because regardless, I'm blessed, God loves me and I'm happy!

Hard times...and other things

and I don't mean physically! Although, I can't complain of late. If you're not following me, then you don't know what I'm talking about and guess what, I'm not explaining. Not today anyway! [as she winks].

I'm always talking about being positive, how it attracts more; keeping the energy suckers and negativity naysayers out of your life, it only breeds more of the same; and focusing on your worst day, the one positive thing that happened that day. If you write down one, or think of one, I bet you'll come up with another one, and so on. It's simple, and really, all I'm talking about is that movie star parking space at the store/mall or wherever it is you don't care to hoof it [though I love the exercise and can't bring myself to be that frou-frou]. When my father died, something went with him - a piece of me, and it's hard to explain unless you are either a daddy's girl or, have lost your father [or parent/loved one for that matter] and know exactly how it feels. There is so much my father taught us that I truly, am so thankful for every day, but it took him to finally succumb to a place of "peace" - a place where no matter what happens, no matter what is thrown at you regardless of the challenge or obstacles, regardless of your faith or belief in God or any higher power, that you just know when you allow yourself to go through what I call the "2 minute rant" and move on to what is positive from that point on, because you do get through it. Eventually you do. Whatever frame of mind you stay in, whether negative or positive, it goes with you...like a fart or a shadow. You think I'm kidding - it does follows you and brings more of the same. So, what would you rather concentrate on!

Lord knows, today, we're all going through something - big or small, whether it's job loss, someone we know who lost their job; someone we know in dire straits or financial hardship, something that you were looking forward to that didn't quite pan out [in which case I believe it's meant to be that way]; a schedule you set out for the day and ended up getting sidetracked by...well...how about life. It happens, shit happens - there's a reason why we have all of these cliches as much as we sometimes hate to hear them. But, they are true. And reality is, at the end of the day, what is your alternative? I mean, have you ever sat there complaining, wallowing or reacting to something that you either had no control over, made the choice and now you're having to deal with it or, knew it was just a blip on the radar compared to the true reality of life and all that comes at us sometimes, all at once. What's the alternative...what actually makes us feel better? Well, I guess I do know people (of whom I either distance myself from or don't associate with them all together), who live in the world of "misery loves company" and they try diligently to bring you down. At the end of the day, it really is up to us. Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt that said "no on can make you feel inferior without your consent." How true that is. We have to go through the "motions" as I keep telling someone (of late) that I love, but after that, it's time to focus on the next thing, the game plan, the worst case scenario, the things that have to be done from that point on, from this point on. Otherwise, what's left - misery. Not for me. Not what I'm choosin'.

We have to go through it - none of us are unique. Okay, maybe I am - I can belch the ABC's - well, maybe not the ABC's, but I have been known to keep up with the guys, although as I've grown up (operative word), I carry my class in my back pocket. It's only when I'm with my family that I don't wear those particular jeans!

My point is...if I even have one - we must choose every day, regardless, to keep the news and media at a distance; the negative that breeds more of the same, and do everything we can to write down or say out loud 5 (or more) positive things that happen to us at the end of the day, because it truly is impossible to keep a negative frame of mind when you are being thankful, for something, even if it's a sweet individual who opened the door when you walk into the store. I don't know about you guys, but I don't see chivalry as much as I used to - and it's sad. So when I do, I beam...because it's nice and I appreciate it.

Trust, hope, have faith, love, caring for others, giving to others, staying positive. Don't allow yourself to be sucked in when it's negative, or when it's a challenge -decide that no matter what, you will persevere, you will prevail, you will make it through, you will lean on those you know have your back, and everything in the end will be okay. "This too shall pass" -
We have a choice - and the majority of that comes down to attitude - the rest, is up to us. We can't do anything about the things not within our control, much less others we can't control. That's not what we're here for. And at the end of the day, I think about people who we've lost so young, whether we knew them or not, and I think about living on with my father's legacy, the way he lived - the love of life he had and the love for everyone around him. Because it could [and sometimes is] all be gone tomorrow - so let's be certain that if that does in fact happen, when it's our time, we leave knowing our hearts are full and, we're happy...regardless of what's before us -and regardless of what's put in front of us.

HOPE

No, not the Obama kind - because frankly, that's worn me clear out! The kind we all have to live on daily just to get through to the next day that when it seems like we've had about all we can take, we hope again and keep the faith.

Hope is a renewable option: If you run out of it at the end of the day, you get to start over in the morning. I am a positive person, the type that I promise you gets on the nerves of the negative naysayers. It's annoying, but there are days that it is all I have to think about - and it keeps my mind in the proper perspective.

The past is a source of knowledge, and the future is a source of hope - we can only hope. That is, suffice it to say, we learn that knowledge as it should be. Everything put before us, every obstacle, challenge or grief bestowed upon us, is for a reason - and what we take away from it all once we forge through it is what matters most. So, as simple as it sounds, I try to make the most of that. I want to take the knowledge with me for a few reasons, most of all, to not make the same mistakes (should they be part of the package) again. To make different choices. After all, nothing controls us - we control ourselves, with our actions. How we handle things, how we treat others, how we treat ourselves - as I've learned to practice more self care; how we choose in difficult situations especially at times like these when everything seems to be upside down, turned around and you get to the end of the day thinking, "this is the day...this is the day something is going to turn." But, we have to have HOPE - and lots of it. What's your alternative.

I sent this to my boyfriend today - in an email - as I try to send him quotes during the day to keep him uplifted, pumped and determined. Focused, as I keep telling him - about his business, about our future, and about having hope and staying positive. Trying to find that one thing in each day (when it seems useless) that is positive, regardless of what that may be - even if it's getting through traffic a lot quicker than you anticipated. Let's all have HOPE - keep hoping, no matter what, and I promise you, you'll be able to feel the difference.

Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do.

To my father - all you have taught me!

All You Have Taught Me

Happiness is not a contract. There are no guarantees that your life will remain perfect. In fact, the only guarantee is that it won’t.

You begin to discover that life’s greatest lessons come from loss, tragedy and pain, and it is impossible to grow without taking a step into the unknown. And after awhile, you begin to learn.

You begin to learn that life has a way of pinpointing your weaknesses and tearing the heart right out of your soul.

You begin to learn that life has a way of making you feel as if even the loudest scream is mute; and even when the sun is shining it’s essentially pitch black.

You begin to learn to form all your roads on today, because tomorrow’s road is too unsure for promises.

You begin to learn the subtle difference between happiness and sorrow, bliss and pain; and you recognize that in reality, they are less than a second apart from each other.

You begin to learn that even when life feels as if it has stopped, it hasn’t.

You begin to learn to take each day for what it is and not give up, even when it seems impossible to go on.

You taught me all I need to know about living life. You prepared me for what I have endured.

You, even though you had to leave, are the reason we’re all still standing.

You taught me how to open my heart and love with all its capacity.

You showed me the beauty in the simplicity of life and how each day holds a new opportunity to be an even better person than I was the day before.

You have taught me to love and live deeply and to treasure today.

You have showed me the beauty of living in the now instead of contemplating the later.

You are the reason I am able to follow my heart and not my head. You are my motivation to go after my dreams and never give up.

You are the reason that I will be able to find happiness, even after losing you.

You are the reason I am able to see that death is not as far away as it seems, because I feel your presence each and every moment that I am alive.

It is because of you that I have hope for the future, and appreciation for the past.

You have taught me to bring my own sunshine wherever life may take me.

Your memory follows me wherever I go and your presence is unmistakable. I hear your voice when I cry, and I see your smile when I laugh.

Thank you for being the best father and human being this earth has ever seen. You’ll continue to be my inspiration and my greatest teacher for the rest of my life. I love you Daddy.

I didn't watch!

I wonder how many other people didn't watch the President last night. I voted for him, and I will admit, much of that was my passion for better health care and as I've said many times, I read both sides, both platforms, and listened to both left and extreme right...my boyfriend is a Republican. But, it came down to health care and yes, I was deathly afraid of our VP being that "you betcha" girl from Alaska. However, as naive as I am, I certainly didn't believe everything they were saying...I know they are all politicians and 90% of what they say means nothing to me unless they back it up. they can "say" anything they want, doing is a whole different ball game and I'm not so sure a year from now will be any different. Regardless, he's our President and this is what we have to face - that and the economy. It's hard to trust what anyone says right now - I feel for so many people and just keep praying every day that we all see a glimmer of hope, a light, something that keeps so many of us going. That's where I trust God - I trust that He will lay the path and if I'm paying attention, I'll know what to do and where to go. If...I'm paying attention!!

"Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe."